Parenting was alot easrier and stress free when I only had one child, now I have three although the two youngest are just babies(5mos) I feel like I have set myself up for a sad life. I read all these comments bout people having unhappy childhoods and I wonder will mine write stuff like that . Also I don't understand I had a child I knew what parenting felt like, I did'n think It was all that bad. Now that I have two more I feel that maybe I made a bad choice. Have anyone every felt this way after having a second child. I'm trying to figure out what prompted me to take the plurge a second time(intentional) and why I don't feel that confident now. I know it's sad. Maybe I'm just reacting to the lose in freedom and ease of life with one child. I know I made my bed, but does the matteress have to feel soo hard. Anyone out there with more than one child , that can give me a message of hope, some advice how you stay yourself with so many little people depending on you. I don;t want to lose
It's been five months and these feelings are just nagging me. I have no routine and I feel that I have damaged my first born in some way. I thought having another would add love to the family not strife. I feel like I'm not giving the oldest any attention. I just wish things were a little different. Trying soo hard. I not a baby I'm fully grown > 30 yrs. I thought I had everything planned out, just didn't plan on feeling like this. I know this is not my first time posting a question like this , but it seems that I need daily confirmation that I will not always feel this way.
Involve your oldest in the care of the youngest. Eventually your routine will settle down. You are now the parent of 3 children. That is very different then being the parent of one child. But, you found that out. You need to spend time with all of your children. The oldest will remember a happy childhood if you make it happy for him (her). Occasionally do something special with your oldest.
what you are feeling is normal, and it will pass, take one day at a time, your doing great,
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I remember that exact feeling. I believe it's normal. I had that same feeling after I had my daughter. I had my son and life was great, found out when he was 2 months old I was pregnant again, 11 months later, i had my daughter, while my hubby was in Iraq. Even though we definitly didn't plan it like that, I still often wondered if I made a big mistake. It honestly took me a few days to really get used to dealing with 2 babies. I was paranoid about paying too much attention to one and all that. but you get used to it very quick. I did. It comes natural. Once you get them all in a routine, it will get much easier and you wont think like that anymore. Good luck!
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It is a lot harder…..especially with two very young ones….but as far as being a good parent…..you worring about not being a good one is a sign you are….it will get better….I remember Bill Cosby saying in one of his comedy shows that people who only have one child are not really parents because they don't have to deal with the "tell him to stop touching me" stage….LOL…..but anyways…life does get better….I have a 2 year old and a four month old….and life is a lot more interesting now, but I would not change a thing…..
try getting out a for a little "me" time…..have grandma watch babies and you and hubby just go out for the night….this helps….my wife and I take US time about once every two weeks….even something as simple as going to the movies without the kids helps….
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One thing that really helps with the older one is allow them to "help"….things as simple as carring the bottle from the kitchen to the living room make them feel great….allow them to "help" help you hold the bottle….my 2 year old will stand next to the couch and keep his hand on the bottle while my youngest eats….and he just stand there with a big smile and say "help" help over and over….it makes them feel important also…..
it's normal don't worry your children will have good child hood they will even be thrilled to say how could of my mom done it will all three of us it gets easier one the babies get older I know how you feel I was in your position a few months back now that my baby is 10 months it gotten a lot easier and can do more thing that I want to do good luck and keep going
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Involve your oldest in the care of the youngest. Eventually your routine will settle down. You are now the parent of 3 children. That is very different then being the parent of one child. But, you found that out. You need to spend time with all of your children. The oldest will remember a happy childhood if you make it happy for him (her). Occasionally do something special with your oldest.
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It will eventually even out. It will take you a while to find a routine that works for you.Don't expect yourself to be perfect if you show love and affection and do the best you can your kids will be happy if they know they have your love and support. You will make mistakes, EVERYONE DOES. Learn from them and go on. Keep your sense of humor about the things that go wrong. If you are really feeling in the dumps could you possibly have postpartum depression? If you have a friend or relative who can give you a break for a few hours here and there that might help. Take care of yourself and hang in there. Make mental notes throughout the day of what works and what doesn't and what kind of patterns that your little ones have for their day so that maybe you can work out a routine. Remember plans are usually just a detailed list of things that won't happen. Don't sweat the small stuff. If you skip a bath time or leave dishes in the sink you will not damage the growth or development of your children. Cheer up it does eventually fall into place.
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I do not have kids, so my answer is not from experience, but I just wanted to send you words of encouragement. Just hang in there- it will get better. Many of my friends and relatives felt like that- it is a combination of hormones, stress, being financially strained, and either being at home with a baby all the time, or juggling taking care of a baby and working.
There is couple things that you should do that can help you feel more secure. Start putting a little bit of money for education and emergencies in an account every month - in 10-15 years, you should have a decent sum of money, and none of your kids will be left out.
Also, try to get out of the house by yourself at least once a week. If you are married, have your husband take care of them for couple hours. If you are alone, pay a baby sitter or a friend, and spend couple hours doing something you enjoy for- go shopping, work out, meet with friends, or just take a bubble bath by yourself. Life will seem better when you've had couple hours for yourself.
Also, it is very likely that you might be suffering from postpartum depression. Talk to your doctor about it-you should not be embarrassed of your feelings. Depression is a manageable disease, but nobody can help you unless you ask for help
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Oh, wow! It's like I'm asking this question. I have a 4 1/2 yr old, 2y/o, & 4 1/2m/o twins! I felt guilty for having another because the older wouldn't have as much attention. Then I say I would have felt guilty for denying the other one a playmate! The first two were planned, but the third pg was a suprise & especially after I found out it was twins! I thought I might have 'bitten off more than I can chew', but I remember that God wouldn't put more on me than I could bear. Sometimes I wonder how much I CAN bear! Well, I'm still trying to figure out a routine, especially since my family recently doubled. I think the important thing to remember is you have to just take one day at a time. Always allow a little time for yourself BEFORE you get to that breakin' point. Easier said than done, I know, but I tell my husband, hey, I HAVE to have just a little break every now & then, or I'll go crazy. He knows I throw things when I get really really upset, so I tell him before it gets that bad & he tries to come to my rescue. I don't think he truly understands what I go through, because I'm with them 24/7 & he only sees them a few hours a day, & I'm usually here with him. Don't be afraid to ask friends and family for help. My husband & I just opened a restaurant only on Fri & Sat, so I still have the option to stay at home with kids, but get a little break every wknd & make a little extra money(of course it goes to the babysitter). Of course, that may be a little extreme for you, but you just have to find something that's just for you! Go to parents magazine online & talk to some other mothers on the messege board going through the same things. I found a thread called 'twinks, trips, & quads, oh my!' and I enjoy talking occasionaly with moms of multiples. Hope this helps. Believe me, I need to follow my own advice! lol, Keep your chin up, it'll prob get a little harder before it gets easier(remember we're gonna have 2 in terrible 2s at the same time1)
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